Fly Me To The Moon
by Dark Knight Gafgar
Summary: "Abusing the Tsundere Kinetic Launch System for fun and profit!" - Motto of Project Home Run of the Molmol Space Program


**Fly Me To The Moon**

**By: Dark Knight Gafgar**

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing that is not mine, and everything that IS mine. Capiche?

**Author's Note:** Idea shamelessly stolen from The Fanfiction Forum's Antimatter. I am not sorry.

* * *

A sudden cry of "KEITARO!" was the only warning that Keitaro Urashima, university hopeful and (male, as odd as it was) manager of the Hinata House girl's dormitory got before a sudden weight landed on his shoulders, nearly causing him to tumble to the ground (or into a wall, or desk, or pair of breasts - he had a tendency to faceplant into such objects even if they had not actually been present before he fell). Grunting from the exertion and the slight pain in his back it brought about, the third-year ronin turned his head to the left to find the dark-skinned face of the dormitory's resident mad scientist and foreign princess, Kaolla Su, inches away from his own and grinning widely, her arms locked almost chokingly tight around his neck and her legs similarly clamped around his waist as Keitaro, as usual, found himself suddenly employed as a mount.

The blonde's feet also happened to be rubbing along his thighs, worryingly close to his groin. Keitaro doubted that was unintentional.

"Ouch... Su, you should really give me more warning before you do that sort of thing, ok?" Keitaro said, only half upset. At least she hadn't dropkicked him, her other usual method of greeting.

"Heheh... sorries, Keitaro." the young princess replied, bringing one arm up to rub the back of her head for a moment. Her expression seemed only slightly apologetic, but that was actually more than normal, so Keitaro didn't particularly mind. "Oh right!" Kaolla suddenly proclaimed, leaning away from him slightly and bringing a fist down lightly into her palm (Keitaro noticed that, for all her arms weren't circled around his neck to hold her up anymore, she seemed in little danger of falling with her legs clamped as tightly around his stomach as hers were) in a gesture as if remembering something. "I heard from Kitsune you were going to start looking for a part-time job!"

Keitaro nodded as the princess grinned and circled her arms around his neck again. "Yeah, we're having a bit of a problem with bills right now. Since I can hardly start charging all of you higher rent-"

"I'd pay extra!"

"Yes, Su, I know you would - you could probably pay for the entire dorm just out of your allowance, come to think of it - but it wouldn't be fair to charge you more without charging the others as well, and..."

"And the others would seduce, guilt trip, and intimidate you out of paying?" Kaolla replied with a suddenly serious expression, nodding thoughtfully. "...Even more than they do now?"

Keitaro shrugged. "Basically, yeah."

The princess grinned widely again. "Well don't worries, Keitaro! I already got a perfect job for you!"

The young dorm manager broke into a sudden and cold sweat. "Um, Su, I _really_ don't think I want to be a guinea pig, no matter how well it pays..."

Kaolla laughed - nearly cackled, really - shaking her head fast enough that her ponytail nearly smacked Keitaro on both cheeks. "No, silly! I'm going to hire you as an astronaut for the Molmol Space Program!"

Keitaro sighed in relief. "Oh thank- wait, what? Uh, Kaolla, you do remember I said _part-time_ job, right?"

"Yep!"

"How exactly am I supposed to train to be an _astronaut_ in my spare time? I've already got my studies, maintaining the dorm-"

"Don't worry! I've already got everything planned out, and you're already trained for it and everything!"

Keitaro blinked. Sighed. "...Ok, explain that to me again."

Kaolla grinned and glanced conspiratorially in both directions before leaning close to his ear. Keitaro listened quietly, trying to ignore the sensations of her warm breath on his ear and her feet still massaging his thighs. After a few long moments he turned to look at her again for a long moment.

"...That's insane. _You're_ insane."

"Yep!" Kaolla laughed again. "But think about it! It makes sense, right?"

"NO! NO IT DOESN'T!" Keitaro shouted, then stopped, glancing around worriedly for a moment before sighing with relief as no sudden martial artists or swordswomen appeared to attack him for his outburst. "Su, I really don't thi-"

"Did I mention you'd be getting paid a _lot_ of money?"

"Well I'd imagine so, but-"

"And that you'd be getting paid to, at least in part, grope Naru and Mo-chan?"

Keitaro was silent for a long moment before lowering his head slightly. Light flashed across his glasses for a moment. "Tell me more of this..."

* * *

**(Three days later)**

Keitaro pulled the shirt on over the not-quite-skintight pressure suit Su had custom designed for him, following it up with a jacket that, along with the pants he was already wearing, hid everything but the boots - which looked normal enough - and the gloves, which were a bit harder to explain. Fortunately, if everything went as planned, Naru probably wouldn't even notice them. Next shrugging into the backpack that carried the several small crates of supplies he was to be transporting along with his helmet and securing the belt that hid two small maneuvering thrusters to his waist, he turned to regard himself in the mirror, shaking his head slightly in disbelief at what he was about to do.

He still felt a little bad about it all, to be honest. Naru was going to be _pissed_. True, Keitaro would be able to drastically lower everyone's rent if things worked out, but...

Well, Keitaro just hoped Su was able to pull through with her mysterious 'plan' to make sure Naru didn't try to actually _kill_ him later or anything.

"Well, here goes nothing." he said, glancing up at the covered hole to Naru's room above his in the ceiling. Grabbing a western-style chair and dragging it into place, Keitaro hopped on top of it and rapped his knuckles firmly on the board above his head. "Naru?"

A reply came a second later. "Yeah, Keitaro? What is it?"

"Can I talk to you for a minute? It's about that new job I got."

"The one you won't tell anyone about? Well, sure, I guess. Come on up."

Keitaro pushed the thin, stuffed animal-bearing board covering the hole to the side, climbing up into Naru Narusegawa's room with the ease of lengthy practice. His auburn-haired studymate and fellow Tokyo University aspirant was sitting at her desk, half turned to face him and with an expression of curiosity on her face.

"So wha-" Naru began to speak before being interrupted by Keitaro, who sighed and began to approach.

"Um, sorry about this, Narusegawa."

Naru blinked. "Eh?"

Quietly, Keitaro stood before Naru, then closed his eyes and reached out to place both hands on her breasts.

There was a long moment of silence. Several, in fact.

Keitaro opened one eye. In front of him, glancing down at his hands in shock, Naru was pale and wide-eyed, her mouth hanging open. Aside from that, though, she wasn't otherwise reacting. Keitaro considered the situation for a moment.

Then gently squeezed her breasts. Twice.

"Honk honk."

Naru's head whipped up towards him, her face - and eyes - both glowing a murderous red.

_We are go for launch._

**"KEITARO, YOU _PERVERT!_"** Naru roared, her voice vaguely demonic as her arm reared back and sent her fist slamming into Keitaro's face at well over the speed of sound.

_Ignition!_

And Keitaro proved that he, unlike Poland, _can_ into space.

* * *

Keitaro was already ripping the helmet out of his backpack by the time he'd finished plowing through the roof of the Hinata House, blowing past a sighing Shinobu Maehara who had, as she faded out of sight below him, just begun turning away from hanging up the laundry to reset the "X number of hours since Keitaro-sempai was sent flying" electronic counter she'd commissioned from Su a few weeks earlier. Quickly tugging the helmet on and locking it into place, Keitaro breathed a sigh of relief as the built-in filtration system began purifying his air supply. Near-suffocation had always been his primary concern about his trips into lower earth orbit, oddly enough, so the Molmolian princess' safety preparations were much appreciated.

Keitaro supposed he owed her one. He guessed he could let her get a few gropes in on him without complaining about it later. It was only fair.

He still wasn't going to let her eat his pet turtle, though.

Returning his attention to the skies and hardly noticing as he narrowly avoided colliding with a swearing red-haired girl on a ballistic trajectory in the general direction of China, Keitaro realized that his destination was already closing rapidly - and he was still ascending. A quick tap on his belt and a short burst of mini-thruster fire rapidly slowed his velocity, finally bringing him to a halt just as the bulk of the International Space Station began to pass by him only a few feet away, several open-mouthed crewmembers - ...was that Seta waving at him in the back? Nah, couldn't be - staring in shock at him through a small circular window set in the station's hull. Ignoring them and looking right, Keitaro could already see the Molmolian - if the green turtle-patterned space suit was anything to go by - astronaut hanging half out an airlock, an arm extended as the station's orbit brought him closer. Slipping the backpack off his shoulders and giving it a quick glance to ensure that the cargo hadn't fallen out at some point in his ascent, Keitaro held it out and let go, allowing the receiver to quickly snatch it up in his own arm and pull himself back into the airlock, waving briefly at Keitaro as he closed the door.

Keitaro waved in return, watching as the ISS continued on it's orbital journey, then for the first time since he'd started making orbit himself on a regular basis actually turned his attention towards the magnificent view his altitude afforded.

It was quiet. Peaceful. Almost serene. Keitaro sighed in contentment, feeling vaguely at one with the universe.

Then gravity took hold. Re-entry, as usual, was a bitch.

* * *

"I can't _BELIEVE_ him!" Naru roared, stomping back and forth in her room as she raged, fists clenched. "He- he actually did it on _purpose_ this time! That PERVERT! When he lands I oughta-"

The door to her room opened. Naru whirled towards the intruder, ready to give them a piece of her mind, then stopped, blinking. "...Uh, Su? What's with the suit and sungl-"

There was a red flash. Naru froze, her eyes glazed and her mouth once again hanging open.

Kaolla grinned as she removed her black sunglasses, tucking them and a small, silvery penlight-like object into her suit pocket. "You tripped and fell against Keitaro." she proclaimed, fighting down the urge to laugh aloud, "Your face landed between his legs and you overreacted and hit him. It's entirely your fault this time and you regret it and will apologize later."

_"I'm very sorry."_ Naru muttered tonelessly, eyes glazed.

Su paused for a moment. "Also you will buy me bananas whenever I speak to you the word 'rosebud'. Lots of them."

_"Of course, mistress."_

"And you won't interrupt if you walk in on me seducing Keitaro. Or remember it. Or do anything about it except join in if I tell you to."

_"Of course, mistress."_

"...And you will help me find and cook Tama-chan."

"_D_on_'t_ p_ush yo_ur _luck, m_ist_ress_." Naru replied, then blinked suddenly, shaking her head. "Huh? What happ- Keitaro!" Naru's now-clear eyes widened as she turned away from a sighing Kaolla towards the hole in her ceiling. "Oh... oh crap. I hit him again, but it wasn't his fault this time! I just..." Naru trailed off, blushing scarlet and shaking her head rapidly. "I... I should apologize. Yes. I'll go do that just as soon as he lands." She then turned back towards her door, blinking. "Hm? Did you need something, Su?"

Kaolla smoothed down the shirt of her school uniform and adjusted her skirt, then looked Narusegawa in the eye. "Rosebud."

Naru grabbed her purse and was out the door within seconds.

Kaolla grinned, rubbed her hands together gleefully, and began skipping back to her room, whistling a happy tune.

* * *

Keitaro splashed down in the Hinata House's hot springs a few minutes later, right on schedule. Drifting still on the water for a few seconds as the spike of pain slowly faded away, Keitaro finally struggled to his feet, pulling off his helmet. "Ow. Well, at least that's over."

There was the familiar sound of a sword being drawn from it's scabbard a few feet behind him. **"Urashima..."**

Keitaro sighed and put the helmet back on, then glanced up and caught the backpack lobbed at him from toward the changing rooms, glancing down at the small 'TO: THE MOON' patch on it and sighing as he shrugged it on.

Then he turned around and wolf-whistled. "Hey, Motoko. Looking nice there."

The raven-haired swordswoman's aura glowed with an awesome power.

_**"DIE!"**_

And Team Keitaro blasted off again.

**The End**


End file.
